I've been struggling with how to write this post for a while now. I can't seem to come up with a metaphor that does justice to this part of our journey. Maybe there just isn't one. I've been thinking a lot about connection. In a myriad of ways, really. I am kind of a neuroscience geek and love reading about the brain. And the brain is all about connection. In fact, there are more possible connections between the neurons in your brain than there are atoms in the universe! That is absolutely mind-boggling and utterly fascinating to me. The thing about connections, though, both in your brain and in your life, is that you must maintain them. Sure, we all have a few close friends that we can go for months and months or perhaps longer without interacting with and then just "pick up where we left off" with them, but generally, those connections have to be nurtured. It takes work. It takes time. Sometimes we don't feel like doing it. Sometimes there are connections we'd be better off pruning. But, for the most part, when we have connections we are committed to, we're going to have to pull our weight.  Why the heck am I going on and on about this, you ask? Well, dear reader, I'll tell you.

We are matched! We have made a connection with a brave young woman who is committed to an adoption plan. We spent the month of June getting to know K over email, Facebook, phone and Skype.  And now, she has moved down to SF so that we can build an even stronger connection. We are excited. We are nervous. We are unbelievably busy! But most of all, we are committed to building and maintaining this connection with K for the sake of the kidoodle that's on its way.

Shelley's mom was adopted back in the "baby scoop era", when it was believed that cutting all ties between adoptees and their birthfamilies was the best thing for everyone. But there are fundamental, evolutionary reasons that humans desire to know their roots, where they come from, who they look like - and it is no longer believed that cutting those ties is healthy for anyone. Open adoption, though not perfect, is a way of maintaining those ties - that biological, fundamental connection.

It will be difficult at times, I'm sure. K will have to choose again to follow through with her adoption plan after giving birth, which will be excruciatingly hard. She may decide to parent, which is absolutely her choice, and one in which we will support her, but that, of course, would be difficult for us. This thing we're doing is not easy, and often daunting, but we have to stay committed and focused on why we are doing it:

This tiny human - he is the reason.


Helen Sheorn said...

Oh, Ellen, this is wonderful news. How joyous and scary but we are all pulling for you both on this exciting journey! Continue to keep me posted!

Caroline said...

Ellen, this is awesome news!! I am so happy for you guys! And that love that you feel right now for this beautiful, tiny human? It won't ever change. Bask in that, and everything will be just fine.

Sending love to you both!

Jessica Lifshitz said...

What wonderful news! I can't even imagine the range of emotions you girls must be feelings. Here's to hoping that the best thing for the child is done and that this journey goes as smoothly as possible.

Anonymous said...

I am so glad to see this update! Thanks for keeping us posted and we will be thinking of you during this very exciting and perhaps overwhelming time! Love, Jill & Tim

Anonymous said...

Happy and peaceful thoughts going your way for everyone involved. Here's to little blessings and tiny miracles!!!! We love you guys. Love, Ann, Jeremy and Darby Smith (from SC!)

Donna Munoz said...

Thinking of you both and knowing that this child would have a wonderful life with you. Sending good and positive energy out for you and the baby. Love, Donna